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Freedom is not human.

2014-02-24 00:20:05 by Insanctuary

"We" are always bound. There is no "Man"; only illusion of thereof. Since the beginning... ...All that is perpetuated is true, and all that is created untrue. "Man" is a virus, to an extent -- much more so a chaotic property -- where in we thrive off of pestering the universe's natural laws and systems with false premises and facades. We live better in lies and facades, than in truth and freedom. The reason why is because all that comes is chaos -- all that seems otherwise is an illusion. We never knew what "I" was, or what defined us. Our preferences are a conglomeration of informational roles filled intrinsically and computationally. We want to assume that our favorite colors, foods, or other things is a symbol of ourselves, but it is not; colors are a distinction like it is extrinsically towards the realm of the living. This is why we never can grasp ourselves, for we are chaos, and mysterious as the world itself. There's only one conclusion to settle with -- as vapid as it sounds -- we're miniature space rocks rolling in a sea of cosmos. I forgot to mention that questioning ourselves is when our imprisonment begins. So to think, why would gaining free will imprison us, unless the illusion is freedom, but the state of the illusion is solitary confinement. People that are locked up have found freedom -- that's the illusion. We cannot break free -- we can only chain ourselves by thinking we have to break free. Break free from what? We thrive off of chaos and disorder. Trying to control this is what makes us humans -- being human is being imprisoned. Being imprisoned in a world where all is systematical isn't necessarily a wrong way to live; it's quite right.

Loops And Groks

2014-02-05 13:36:59 by Insanctuary

I enjoy expressing myself, so I'll share more personal ideas here on NG, but keep the professional works elsewhere. Sound good? Good. What's that? You don't care? If you really did not care, then why would you bother responding, let alone traverse carelessly onto my page? Oh? Silence? I love that game. This one time I played the silence game, and the world opened itself up to me, but then again, I guess it was always opened up; I just never took the time to coax myself into it, what with the distractions. I suppose this is your reason for not caring your way unto my page to tell me how much you hadn't cared for a single thing I have disclosed with others? Wherein your hatred for me is the same form of hatred towards darkness, in that I am as valueless as, say, fear and weakness, since, well, everybody thinks they are superman or some shit. I am hated because I remind you of self-hatred, thus why it's about me, but not you, yet I am the valueless one, and you're the valued one, whereas I am the one you're focused on, and not yourself, so clearly there's something tremendously off about this entire situation. Oh? You're still here? How are you? Not caring still? Then why are you still here? What of my valueless life appeases you, my dear unfriend? If I'm such a worthless POS, then why is it all about me, and not you? Is there something you're not telling me? Are you hiding something from me -- or, is this hidden from you? It doesn't matter to me what it is that you really see in me. I only worry what you do not see in yourself, which drives you to mistaken it as a part of me, but here I am, apparently the center of your attention, while being allegedly the most worthless scum you have ever come across in your entire valuable lifetime. I just have to ask you one thing: when did you ever care?  

I wish for you to visit me here,, because I will no longer be hosting any of my new music here on NG. My music reached the point to where it deserves more than what I have provided it thus far, and so I must make these changes if I ever wish to allow the ceiling above my passion to expand further. I'm going professional - atleast I will make the finest attempt to. I never thought it would come to this; regardless of the fact I still use default presets and have to manage sounds from scratch to create the atmospheres I have now, I am still creating soundscapes that are perfect for all types of games or the lifestyles people live in. My music production can be a valuable asset to other people's projects, and so I must giveth my music the attention it deserves. I also will do my best to give my fans the attention they deserve, unlike I do here on NG. These changes have to be made in my life, or else my heart beats in vain. I know this is what I have to do, and I am proud to have one of the greatest individuals to be here by my side whilst entertaining this new future: ForgottenDawn Tl;dr - I have music. You have ears. Let's make cosmological love together:  

Let's admit it.

2013-12-23 01:20:04 by Insanctuary

We want truth, but the more of it we find, the less we see in ourselves.

I was going through my songs like I do every once a while to recall my older experiences; to feel chills take over my body, and I couldn't help but notice that someone had the time to go through all of my songs just to zero bomb everything down to my very first songs. It's depressing, really, I already have to deal with much emptyness, but for someone to spend their life's time to snuff out every single song of mine and take it down to 1 star and less... It's a putrid and stomache violating thing to do to anyone, and all I can think about is how I have constantly taken away the things I've created and practically took my own time to destroy much of what I should owe myself to, but not once have I ever took a moment to transpire my own dilemmas into somebody else's. Not once. I always keep my own problems to myself, but for someone to spend their fucking time to bring down someone else's work is an animosity unanswered. People always think of me as some arrogant prick, but deep down I am living the hole that everyone pretends doesn't exist every day, and I am always showing people that we still can be something no matter how often our fingers slip, while living as a ghost that is left to bottle everything up, whether it be murdering my cat when I was 10, or keeping others from going off the deep end. The love of my life bloody abandoned me, for a reason that is beyond my intuition, and I am constantly having to help others, while I am left to etch more of my sorrows into the wall, just to pick myself up again to grab some colors and to remind myself that I can turn these empty letters into something that is worth experiencing. I am at awe that the one thing that I ever wished for during any holiday of giving, I am given little of, and that was love and peace. As cheesy as it is, it's the one thing that we all fuck our lives over for, and it's the one that I never gotten the chance to fuck my life over for, because I never stopped loving myself in a world that stopped loving itself. I just wished that maybe people would stop making others suffer because they cannot face their own damned suffering. Good men don't deserve to die like dogs, no matter how darwinian this world may seem, we are in charge of our actions, and the simple fact that somebody out there took it upon themselves to attempt to destroy the spirit of a man that is the only thing that shines brighter than any dark hour of my falling outs, crushes me and only leaves me to question why I have any hope left for this human race that should've been called the hubris race millenias ago.

The heart is not where life begins.

2013-12-20 21:45:30 by Insanctuary

Our body is the trunk, and everything else serves as branches. The core is the mind, and the legs. Not the heart. We got it all wrong. Life isn't about the center. It's about the whole. And what is the whole? Where does it begin and end? It begins at the mind, and ends where we stand.

Consciousness can bend or perhaps it can't

2013-12-16 18:20:46 by Insanctuary

Consciousness is information that initiates a pseudo-identity thanks to the amazing properties of the ego. The ego is the core production of the universe's inner design .-. some could say the ego is the artifact which expresses the universe's state in which it's roleplays itself. The reason why we lose ourselves when we lose ego is because we lose consciousness, or focus. This focus is a reaction to the advanced stimuli, or super stimuli, which does not exist, but can still be a reasonable term to coin for a unique and further progressed system of stimuli. We have a gravitational pull that is metaphysical, which may lead to convincing experiences where we feel that fate is amongst us, but what really happens is that life is all about focus. We can observe focus through simple things like how we observe a movie and what goes on, or how we interpret a subject/object. We are drawn to our focus point, and that is why many have fulfilled their dreams and goals. That's why we have dreams and goals, we are focus pointers. We have a focus point on demand no matter who we are. A desire is not a focus point, however .-. it's a distraction point .-. a need .-. a want that is there for only negative purposes. A desire is a deterrence to what is otherwise a focus point. When we desire, we are never fulfilled. When we focus, we are able to experience a fulfillment. This is the key point to understanding the true difference between desire and focus. Gravity can bend, so perhaps consciousness can bend, or it can only circumvent other reactions in a non-linear form. When we are able to bend our will, so to speak, we are bending information, or are we circumventing information .-. it's a question that is worth answering, because if consciousness can bend, then consciousness is space.

We are scared for mostly every second without realizing how scared we really are underneath our confidence and our security. We ask questions for two reasons: one is to face the unknown, and the other is to run from the unknown. There's a slight altercation involved, however .-. if you observe both causes for our need to ask questions, you'll see that fear lurks in both reasons .-. one of them happens to be difficult to understand, for people are very convincing when they tell us they are prepared for what is to come .-. even though they are quaking beneath their deceptive body language. If someone says they are ready for the unknown, it's like saying, "I can play tug o' war with the unknown", which is something that is humanly impossible. We will always be scared of the unknown .-. that's how we are wired primitively. We will always be on our defense when it comes to the foreign aspects of this world .-. our imagination amplifying our fear and forcing us to stand our ground, or to be rooted by the fear we've created out of integral properties of our biological ruling. We are never satisfied .-. we are empty, always. We may interpret our lives as happy experiences .-. we may have everything we think we need, but there's always something missing .-. that's the absence of self-recognition. We create multiple personalities for multiple people every day .-. we have nightmares .-. we experience time after time again that we only have so much control until we are left with fear. We always want to alienate this fear we gain, but we forget that it's not fear that is alien to us .-. it's ourselves that are alien .-. it's this very notion that causes many to experience the notorious existential crisis, however most would agree that realizing how little they know of themselves allowed them to accept themselves moreso than they did when they wanted to believe they knew enough about themselves. When we search for our own whole, what we're really doing is making a home in a hole we've buried into ourselves, for we could not contain the emptyness, and so we inflicted that emptyness into parts of our psyche which can only cause the dreadful void we are all attempting to fill today. This hole is us .-. and we are the hole. Our emptyness throughout time takes our identity .-. this creates empty minds that cause only destruction, for emptyness is still whole in itself, and all things whole eventually combust.

It's there, but is it working?

2013-12-14 16:28:51 by Insanctuary

Having eyes does not mean you see all. Having a brain does not mean you think of everything. Having a heart does not mean you are experiencing the entirety of each moment. Our body is a perplexing mystery as far as the universe goes, and constantly convincing ourselves of having self-understanding is only going to drive ourselves further away from the raw truth: it's not the idea that we know nothing which stops us from understanding the world .-. it's asking whether or not the world even has a universal language, or that life can be defined behind enough colors to question the idea of creating our own colorful understanding of what we've registered insofar as our lives have gone and how optimal we were at picking up that information .-. then we will no longer have the need to wish upon ourselves to strive for an imaginary concept... perfection.

When is truth enough?

2013-12-13 14:33:54 by Insanctuary

You had done a terrible thing .-. being caught by those you've hurt irrepairably, you are forced to confess your doings. They ask you the first time, which you deny .-. they ask you the second time, which you deny moreso than the first .-. they ask you again and again with each set of words cutting in deeper through confidence that each attempt could only fail less. After your guilty consciousness presents itself, you're now confessing to them why you took such action against them .-. the fear you gained from what you've done formed a schism between yourself and those you loved. It turns out that you were the victim in this, and them being hurt irrepairably is only because they were too selfish to forgive you for... Doing the right thing. You knew they would not understand, so you kept it to yourself. The guilt you had wasn't because of yourself, as much as they tried to convince you otherwise .-. it was you being bombarded by the primitive lashes of those who do not understand what it's like doing the right thing even when everyone else decided against it. Instead of understanding anything of this situation, they scold you and vilify your character, for they were smitten by their own alluring fear. They do not appreciate you helping them, because it only reminds them of how often they do not help themselves. You are stuck with those that know they are broken, but refuse to fix themselves .-. whereas they will bare their teeth at anyone that provides any form of support in the same manner a prideful one is sick .-. left to do more harm to their body and mind while pushing others away. Truth isn't enough in this life .-. it's only the one constant reminder of our errors and weaknesses, and so it requires much more than honesty to truly understand how to deal with primitive people and the victimized roles they play. When they have you ready to confess, it never was about the truth .-. it was only about them judging you inorder to hide their own truth.